Threesomes – Tips & Tools – Kinky Poly Atheist https://kinkypolyatheist.com Welcome to the Sexual Revolution Thu, 18 Feb 2021 19:29:30 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.1.4 https://kinkypolyatheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/cropped-KPA-logo-notext-SOURCE-572x572-in-circle-red-black-on-clear-32x32.png Threesomes – Tips & Tools – Kinky Poly Atheist https://kinkypolyatheist.com 32 32 Why Safewords FAIL & how to improve the use of safewords https://kinkypolyatheist.com/why-safewords-fail-how-to-improve-the-use-of-safewords/ https://kinkypolyatheist.com/why-safewords-fail-how-to-improve-the-use-of-safewords/#respond Wed, 18 Nov 2020 13:00:00 +0000 https://kinkypolyatheist.com/?p=959
Here’s a very important topic for the kinky people out there! Safewords CAN fail, so watch this to protect yourself from those situations.

Warning: Kink Responsibly!

  • Don’t hurt yourself.
  • Don’t hurt anyone else. Be and act safely.
  • Educate yourself! Find a local club and get a mentor.
  • If you’re NOT SURE about something, DON’T DO IT!
  • Always have clear, enthusiastic CONSENT
  • Always have and use clear SAFEWORDS
  • Always have SAFETY EQUIPMENT within arm’s reach.
    → Safety Shears, First Aid Kit, Etc.
  • Start Low; Go Slow
  • Watch Video: Why Safewords Fail: https://youtu.be/Fq-pgWMt7qI

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Because people forget to discuss them ahead of time.

Safeword Ideas: “safeword”, “red”, “stop”, ouch, emergency, time out,

Because people purposely don’t use them.

Often Fear or Ego. People don’t want to seem weak. They are trying to impress someone. There are a lot of people around and they feel like the are on the spot because you don’t want them to know or you don’t want them to judge you.

Because weird social pressure from partner

Pressure. Someone makes you feel like a safeword is going to be embarrassing FOR THEM if you use it. (don’t play with them.)

real name. “William, I’m thirsty.” Or “I don’t feel like you heard me”

Because people forget to use them.

It happens. It’s actually easier than you might think.

Again, Safeword Ideas: “safeword”, “red”, “stop”, ouch, emergency, time out,
Because people waited too long before saying it or they didn’t use other words to communicate desired intensity. Things got off the rails and they didn’t say anything.

When to use them? Early and often! Communicate the green, yellow, red scale… also you can add blue.

Also use positive reinforcement. “yes” “more”

Because they can’t speak. Mouth covered or full.

Have backup signals. Double tap like in martial arts. A squeeze, a push away, etc. Something loud you can knock over or kick to get attention.

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5 Types of “Open” People To Avoid https://kinkypolyatheist.com/5-types-of-open-people-to-avoid/ https://kinkypolyatheist.com/5-types-of-open-people-to-avoid/#respond Mon, 02 Nov 2020 13:20:00 +0000 https://kinkypolyatheist.com/?p=912

Here are the top 5 types of men & women to avoid open relationships with!
“Typical Monogamous Red Flags. they don’t want to hear about your other partners. They won’t introduce you to their partner. They may not be open at all. their relationship might be in trouble. Their partner might not actually be okay with this “open” thing. “Gray Area” Relationships Status. They don’t subscribe to this youtube channel. They have A LOT of “rules”.

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How a “Gray Area” Relationship Status is dangerous and how to fix it. https://kinkypolyatheist.com/how-a-gray-area-relationship-status-is-dangerous-and-how-to-fix-it/ https://kinkypolyatheist.com/how-a-gray-area-relationship-status-is-dangerous-and-how-to-fix-it/#respond Fri, 30 Oct 2020 13:02:00 +0000 https://kinkypolyatheist.com/?p=898
Q. Is your relationship status “Gray Area”?

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What’s your relationship status? Is it clear? Are you both on the same page? Or is it a “gray area”?

If you’re Monogamous, it’s probably something like this….
• We’re just friends
• We’re talking
• We’re Dating
• We’re seeing each other
• We’re Together
• We’re boyfriend/girlfriend
• We’re Engage
• We’re Married
• We’re trying
• We’re holding on
• We’re still together
• We’re not doing so good
• We’re in a tough spot
• We’re breaking up
• We’re getting a divorce
• We’re Divorced
• We don’t talk any more
• We’re just friends

That’s just 1 connection between two people. Imagine having more connections. All of those words can apply to each of your connections.

With Open relationships and Poly relationships, all of that applies to each relationship… also there’s this whole Primary/Secondary thing or Nesting Partner thing that can also happen.

Issue: people are not happy in their primary relationship and they are also open

I want the other person (the meta) to be excited about a connection with his significant other. I want them to be rooting for our connection. If they are not also a “hell yes”, then it’s a ‘no’ from me.

I’ve had a dozen couples pass by with gray area relationship statuses

Here’s the thing, a clear relationship status doesn’t have to be a label. It just means you’re both on the same page and communicating the same thing to others. If she things they’re committed and he thinks they’re committed and they tell everyone they are committed, but they never talked about what “committed” means to each other them… that’s still gray area.

As a monogamous couple, I challenge you to get on the same page and get very clear about what your relationship status actually means.

What about interacting separately with friends of either sex?

What about lunch, dinner, or coffee, with one friend of either sex? Or a specific friend that makes you uncomfortable?

What about going out separately, getting a little to drunk to drive and crashing on someone’s couch?

What about hugging people?

What about flirting with other people?

What’s in bounds and out of bounds?

What’s disrespectful to you? What’s disrespectful to them?

What do you expect from you partner? What do you expect them to do in all these situations

Now take that to an open relationship. (repeat all the questions)

What’s expected when you’re at a party or social even together? How about separately?

What about interacting separately with friends of either sex?

What about lunch, dinner, or coffee, with one friend of either sex? Or a specific friend that makes you uncomfortable?

How do you communicate a little extra interest in some to your partner?

What about going out separately, getting a little to drunk to drive and crashing on someone’s couch?

What about hugging and kissing people hello or goodbye?

What about flirting with other people in each other’s presence or not in each other’s presence?

What’s in bounds and out of bounds?

What’s disrespectful to you? What’s disrespectful to them?

What do you expect from you partner? What do you expect them to do in all these situations

How much time are you looking to spend together vs with other people or partners?

Now reign all that in… at lets get back to the focus. What’s your relationship status?

It doesn’t have to be a label, but I’ll start with a few:

• We’re just friends (because we’re not going to let anyone know we also fool around from time to time)

• We’re friends with benefits.
• We’re best friends with benefits. (see the difference there?)
• We’re cuddle buddies
• We’re dating but we’re not exclusive.
• We’re lovers but we’re not exclusive.
• We’re in an open relationship. Or open marriage
• We’re nesting partners?
• We’re primaries?
• We’re secondaries?
• I’m her second, he’s her primary
• He’s my metamure or He’s my meta
• He’s one of my best friends and I’m also dating his wife
• The three of us are together, and yeah, we don’t care if you let your imagination run with that.

Now some non-labels
• We have fun, we going set limits, and we encourage each other to go have fun with other people. (hint “fun” means “sex”)
• We’re friends and sometimes we snuggle.
• We’re both single but we also fool around sometimes
• We’re just friends (but we’re not going to tell you what our actual arrangement is because we don’t trust you with that information.)
• We’re sexy friends who aren’t looking to own each other.
• We’re together (but we’re not going to tell you what our actual arrangement is because I’m not interested in you.)

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