How a “Gray Area” Relationship Status is dangerous and how to fix it.

What’s your relationship status? Is it clear? Are you both on the same page? Or is it a “gray area”?

If you’re Monogamous, it’s probably something like this….
• We’re just friends
• We’re talking
• We’re Dating
• We’re seeing each other
• We’re Together
• We’re boyfriend/girlfriend
• We’re Engage
• We’re Married
• We’re trying
• We’re holding on
• We’re still together
• We’re not doing so good
• We’re in a tough spot
• We’re breaking up
• We’re getting a divorce
• We’re Divorced
• We don’t talk any more
• We’re just friends

That’s just 1 connection between two people. Imagine having more connections. All of those words can apply to each of your connections.

With Open relationships and Poly relationships, all of that applies to each relationship… also there’s this whole Primary/Secondary thing or Nesting Partner thing that can also happen.

Issue: people are not happy in their primary relationship and they are also open

I want the other person (the meta) to be excited about a connection with his significant other. I want them to be rooting for our connection. If they are not also a “hell yes”, then it’s a ‘no’ from me.

I’ve had a dozen couples pass by with gray area relationship statuses

Here’s the thing, a clear relationship status doesn’t have to be a label. It just means you’re both on the same page and communicating the same thing to others. If she things they’re committed and he thinks they’re committed and they tell everyone they are committed, but they never talked about what “committed” means to each other them… that’s still gray area.

As a monogamous couple, I challenge you to get on the same page and get very clear about what your relationship status actually means.

What about interacting separately with friends of either sex?

What about lunch, dinner, or coffee, with one friend of either sex? Or a specific friend that makes you uncomfortable?

What about going out separately, getting a little to drunk to drive and crashing on someone’s couch?

What about hugging people?

What about flirting with other people?

What’s in bounds and out of bounds?

What’s disrespectful to you? What’s disrespectful to them?

What do you expect from you partner? What do you expect them to do in all these situations

Now take that to an open relationship. (repeat all the questions)

What’s expected when you’re at a party or social even together? How about separately?

What about interacting separately with friends of either sex?

What about lunch, dinner, or coffee, with one friend of either sex? Or a specific friend that makes you uncomfortable?

How do you communicate a little extra interest in some to your partner?

What about going out separately, getting a little to drunk to drive and crashing on someone’s couch?

What about hugging and kissing people hello or goodbye?

What about flirting with other people in each other’s presence or not in each other’s presence?

What’s in bounds and out of bounds?

What’s disrespectful to you? What’s disrespectful to them?

What do you expect from you partner? What do you expect them to do in all these situations

How much time are you looking to spend together vs with other people or partners?

Now reign all that in… at lets get back to the focus. What’s your relationship status?

It doesn’t have to be a label, but I’ll start with a few:

• We’re just friends (because we’re not going to let anyone know we also fool around from time to time)

• We’re friends with benefits.
• We’re best friends with benefits. (see the difference there?)
• We’re cuddle buddies
• We’re dating but we’re not exclusive.
• We’re lovers but we’re not exclusive.
• We’re in an open relationship. Or open marriage
• We’re nesting partners?
• We’re primaries?
• We’re secondaries?
• I’m her second, he’s her primary
• He’s my metamure or He’s my meta
• He’s one of my best friends and I’m also dating his wife
• The three of us are together, and yeah, we don’t care if you let your imagination run with that.

Now some non-labels
• We have fun, we going set limits, and we encourage each other to go have fun with other people. (hint “fun” means “sex”)
• We’re friends and sometimes we snuggle.
• We’re both single but we also fool around sometimes
• We’re just friends (but we’re not going to tell you what our actual arrangement is because we don’t trust you with that information.)
• We’re sexy friends who aren’t looking to own each other.
• We’re together (but we’re not going to tell you what our actual arrangement is because I’m not interested in you.)