Monogamy = Scarcity Mindset

What is scarcity mindset? How does it overlap with relationships? 

Scarcity vs Abundance

Humans have selective attention. What means what we focus on multiplies.

You buy a white suv and you start seeing them everywhere. The day you start thinking about trading your white suv in for something sporty and yellow you start seeing that everywhere.

You may also be familiar with the “Invisible Gorilla” experiment where people are asked to watch a video of people passing a basket ball and count the number of times the ball gets passed. When the video is over, the people are asked, “did you see the gorilla?” No one sees it because they were so busy watching for and counting the passes. When they watch the video a second time, suddenly they can clearly see the gorilla walk into and out of the frame.
What we focus on multiplies.

There are many BS terms people use to describe this to make is sound all mystical and crap. There’s so many spiritual, religious, superstitious, woo-woo, and hippy, to try to make this concept sound al mysterious and magical. That’s BS. Our minds simply function in a way where we find what we’re looking for.

Water fountain example

Taking all this back to relationships.

If you have a mindset that focuses on there only being one perfect person out there for you, then you will be approaching relationships with a scarcity mindset. There’s not enough out there and it’s so hard to find the perfect person and when you do find someone who is close to perfect, you marry them because you don’t want to lose them. This whole approach of “the one” is scarcity.

What’s funny is, when you and “the one” breakup, suddenly your friends convince you that there are “plenty of fish in the sea” to get to see the relationship world from an abundance point of view again.

Only to find a new flame and fall right back into the mindset of, they are “the one” and you can’t have anyone else.

What if you didn’t do that? What if you never stopped thinking, “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and you are allow to interact with all of them for whatever unique reason is perfect for the two of you. What if you could cuddle up and have a romantic evening in front of the fire with someone and then go on a romantic hike with someone else without anyone getting bent out of shape about it or upset at you.

What if you didn’t have to have a “type”? For example,
• the classic American, blond hair, blue eyes, with perfect abs type
• or the rough and tumble type
• or the cute and sweet type.
• Or the goal crushing, powerful type.

What if you could lick the blond’s abs whenever you want, wrestle with the rough one whenever you want, giggle and gently please the cute sweet one, and get dominated by the powerful one.

What if you didn’t have to chose just one. What if you could choose them all and they were all okay with that.

Welcome to the abundance mindset with relationships. You CAN have it all. The people who say you can’t, have bought into the idea that they are not allow to have it all. They’ve bought into the idea that they have to pick just one person forever and they want to push that choice onto you. When they see you getting more than they will ever allow themselves, they often get upset because it’s not fair. They want to stop us because clearly we are monsters who break all the rules. Well, who’s rules? Why do you follow them? Who benefits from these rules? Is it you and your life and you happiness or is it someone else who gets to control you. If I’m in love with 4 people and the 5 of use are all consensual adults who are happy about it, how is that a problem? That doesn’t affect you. That doesn’t harm you. Yet monogamous culture will attempt to attack us and tell us we are wrong.

No, we just didn’t buy into this scarcity mindset to relationship like you.

Also, you can have it all too if you really wanted to experience life to its fullest.